Eye Custodians(tm)
Posted by: tony on 07/09/2008 06:28 PM
Updated by: tony on 07/09/2008 06:40 PM
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Expires: 08/09/2008 12:00 AM
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 The Curt Jester is again touching the "third rail" of liturgical discussion with his post entitled "Casual Sunday".
Here is a sign I would like to see in some parishes. Though my own parish does have a "Out of respect for our Lord" sign that lists what should not be worn.
Go check it out.
The discussion there seems to be positive, but it seems that every time I have gotten into a discussion about the appropriateness of certain styles of dress, the conversation always comes back to me. "You shouldn't be looking", I'm told. "Are you some sort of pervert?", I have been asked. There is also the old time favorite: "You need to have custody of your eyes!".
Maybe I have an inordinate propensity to look at female skin that is presented to me, but whenever I ask for a little help from the female population (and parents of minor females) I'm told "it's my problem". Because God helps those who help themselves, in the interest of helping myself and those red blooded men who have testosterone, CPF Enterprises presents:
EYE CUSTODIANS™
Does it seem sometimes that it's dress up as your favorite Saint day at your parish and many of the women have decided to dress up as St. Mary Magdalene (before her conversion)?
Is it more likely that the girl in front of you will be dressed up like Madonna the pop star than The Madonna (the mother of God)?
Do you find yourself praying "give us this day our daily breast... no BREAD! BREAD!" because the woman in the row ahead of you has hers served up like twin loaves?
When you complain, are you told: "Don't worry about me, you should have custody of your own eyes!"?
Well Saint Paul said: "If your eye offends you, pluck it out..." but you don't have to go that far, you can get EYE CUSTODIANS™!
Yes, EYE CUSTODIANS™. Guaranteed to block not only UVA and UVB, but all wavelengths of light in both the visible and invisible spectrum. None of those images of scantily clad fellow parishioners will get through the opaque, flat black, distraction-blocking patented Chastity Shield™. You once again will be able to easily concentrate on the Mass. The reflection inhibiting coating on the inside of the Chastity Shield™ prevents the reflection of any errant images from the rows behind.
And all this for the super low price of $19.95. If you act right now, not only will you get the world famous EYE CUSTODIANS™ we will throw in a second pair absolutely FREE! And that's not all. We will throw in a medal of Saint Maria Goretti which contains a fourth class relic absolutely FREE!
Act now! Next time someone is inappropriately dressed in church, let the parish know you have custody of your eyes with the EYE CUSTODIANS™
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